This particular post has nothing to do with digital and to be honest I was actually in two minds whether to post it. But then I thought I can’t be the only one and that some of you out there must have felt similar and that maybe it would be nice to read a bit of honesty…It’s really just to share a few real feelings about how it sometimes feels to be living and working away from home.
Being Irish and living in Auckland, I go through the ususal ups and downs of feeling very apart and very faraway from loved ones etc. The feelings can be intense but they don’t usually last long and often just a little message to the family I have built up here can dispell it. On the other hand, a phonecall home can end up a little teary but it always a little reminder that we are loved and all really is well.
Since being away I have come across loads of articles about Irish being away from home. I don’t know if I have found them very uplifting as they are often about what has been left behind and what is not here.
Like others, I made a choice to come here to NZ. I made it for reasons that felt right to me as a woman at that point in my life. I was in London and besides fantastic friends whom I realised would continue to be in my life wherever I went, all I was there for was the work. I knew I didn’t want to settle there and I knew that if I met a guy that I would not be truly happy in that environment. It was nothing to do with London. It just stopped being right for me and like an apple falling off a tree, it was just time to drop to somewhere else.
Now, I didn’t think at that time that it would epitomise itself in a literal drop to the other end of the planet but without boring you with the details, for me NZ was a good fit. It was pretty simple: nice weather, nice attitude, nice possibilities for work all underlaid with an intuitive sense that I ‘had’ to come. I’m not sure what that is and was but it was a strong sense that drove the actions for me to come here on my own and see what life brought my way.
What I am discovering is that although I miss being around my family and I feel homesick, that I have built up a little reserve in myself that I did not have before. I have a circle of girlfriends who vary vastly in age, personality and perspectives on life and am more comfortable in my own skin that ever before. Like others here, at the beginning, you only have yourself to rely on so you need to hustle up a little life for yourself. It feels good to have built something.
That all said, I woke up this morning feeling very homesick. Ireland is in the press here with the Rugby World Cup but the news about Paul O’ Connell brought up a deep well of sadness inside which was unexpected. For me, rugby, Munster, Ireland, Paul O’ Connell equals my brothers, equals banter, equals home, equals parents equals watching matches equals good times. I miss them alot. With the news of Paul O’Connell I miss them even more and I am not sure what that is about. I do know however that it’s allowed and that every one of my Irish girlfriends that I reached out to this morning has felt the same at some point recently.
In any case, here we all are in this stunning country which is full of opportunity. In essence, it’s all pretty good and sure look, there is always Air NZ… 🙂
Who knows what will happen. My apple might ripen again and I might drop off to somewhere else, or back home in the coming years. Does it really matter? There are always bigger forces in control in any case.
So today I’ll leave you with the last thing my Dad said to me before I left and what I always come back to when I feel a bit homesick – ‘feck off will you and live the dream’.
A man of few words.
Have a great day everyone!